The Secret Saboteur
Have you ever met someone who complains about everything? You know…
“The meal was good, but the service was slow.”
“The concert was great, but the parking was bad.”
“The wedding was beautiful, but the DJ was terrible.”
I know we all complain and critique from time to time, but when we focus on the one thing that is not going well—versus all the things that are going well—we are in dangerous territory.
In marriage counseling, I learned that a complaint and/or a critique is just a request in disguise. When we are complaining about a relationship, a job, our health or anything else, it is just an unspoken desire. Instead of complaining or critiquing a person or situation, ask for what you want. Time and time again we see that God punished the Children of Israel for complaining—but God also invites us to the throne of grace to ask for what we need. Complaining is the secret saboteur that keeps you from getting what it is you really want. Instead of complaining, just ask.
There was a time when I was complaining about everything. I was complaining about how much my knees hurt. I was complaining about how much I was not enjoying my job. I was not just complaining about being single, I was recruiting others who were unhappily single to complain with me. I was miserable. Then I realized that complaining was keeping me stuck in a cycle of disappointment and dissatisfaction. I finally decided that if I wanted something different, I had to do something different. I decided I was going to Preside instead of complain. That started with me acknowledging what I really wanted. I wanted to be healthy, I wanted freedom to express my ideas and serve others—and I wanted love. It wasn’t until I took responsibility to ask God for what I wanted, that my journey to wholeness began.
Presiding Action
What is the thing you complain about the most? Write it down. Is it your health, your career, someone you’re in relationship with? Some complaints are legitimate, but they only reveal what it is you really want. Instead of complaining, sit down and really think about what it is you really want from the person or the situation. Perhaps you hate it when your good friend is always late. Instead of complaining to others, go to the person and let them know what you need and why it’s important. Maybe you’re tired of your job, tired of being single or tired of being unfulfilled in marriage. Think about what it is you really want and invite God into the situation. Don’t let complaining be the secret saboteur that keeps you from getting what you really want.
